Jason and Harley Kill the Joker
by TheMagnificentMarvelette
Summary: The Joker is the deadliest criminal Gotham City has ever seen. He's killed thousands, and scarred even more. But perhaps no one has felt his wrath more than his ex-girlfriend, Harley Quinn, and the former Robin, Jason Todd. So what happens when they each decide they're done letting the Joker do whatever he wants?
1. Fuck the Joker

"I had taken my family to Town Center to celebrate Christmas... but he was there. He hi-jacked the celebration and informed the crowd that every ornament on the Christmas tree had been loaded with Joker Gas. He said that if the city of Gotham didn't transfer a billion dollars into the private bank account he'd set up, he'd kill all of us. Batman showed up, like he always does, and only a few people ended up being exposed to the gas and going to the hospital. My family was okay... but only in a physical sense. My son was 5-years-old. He doesn't laugh anymore... he barely smiles. I'm terrified for next Christmas. I'm worried it's going to be haunting him for the rest of his life. It was my decision to stay in Gotham... it was my decision to go out for Christmas... what if my family never forgives me? Am I a horrible father?" His words cracked as he began sobbing. The man sitting next to him reached out and patted his back to comfort him.

"Thank you for sharing, Michael. You're not a horrible father. This city takes a toll on all of us. But each of us make the decision to stay and see it through until the next day. If you ask me that's what makes us brave," the moderator of the group attempted to comfort him with her words. There was a brief silence among the group. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, it was a simple acknowledgement of the horrors they had all gone through at the hands of the Joker.

Then all of a sudden, the door to the room opened as a woman wearing a red and black color scheme, and blonde hair pulled into pigtails with the tips on either end dyed pink and blue.

"Am I late?" At that, the silence in the room shifted from comfortable mourning to awkward and accusatory. The woman lowered her sunglasses and scanned the room, "What? Is there something on my face?"

Everyone in the group backed away with fear as the moderator stood her ground, marching towards her.

"What in the hell are you doing here? Are you here to kill us? Well, we're not afraid of you!"

"Yes we are!" added someone from the peanut gallery.

But Harley simply cocked an eyebrow, confused.

"This is the support group, right? For all the people affected by the Joker?"

"The Joker _and _Harley Quinn. You and your boyfriend have been terrorizing this city-"

"Hey! That cheap-suited clown and I broke up ages ago! Get with the times, lady. That jack-off abused me for years, I have just as much of a right to be here as any of you."

"You don't even recognize me, do you?" challenged the moderator. Harley gulped and shrugged half-heartedly.

"Three years ago, you and your 'puddin' robbed the Gotham Bank, and I was the teller who was working! You pointed a gun in my face and laughed at me!"

Harley looked as if she was concentrating really hard, trying to remember the events of that day.

"Oh, yeah..." Harley then looked back at her and shrugged modestly, attempting to smile, "Sorry!"

"Get out of here!" screamed someone from the crowd.

"You're not welcome here, you freak!" added another.

Harley frowned.

"But I-"

"Just go!" The moderator glared at her angrily and pointed at the door. Harley sighed.

"Okay... I'm... I'm sorry. For everything," with that, Harley scooped her bat and what little pride she had left, and made a beeline for the exit. By the time she reached the alleyway beside the building, hot tears were streaming down her face, mascara and white foundation mixed in with them. She slumped her back against the wall and slid down, feeling the bricks grate against her skin, but refusing to acknowledge the pain. She probably deserved it, she thought, "I'm so stupid. How could I think they'd actually welcome me in there?"

In anger, she slammed her fist against the wall.

"Ah! Shit!" Okay, maybe she didn't deserve that pain. Because, fuck, that hurt. She placed her hand gently back down on the ground and continued sobbing, "No one's ever going to understand me. Not unless I do something to make them. I really should just kill the fucking clown," she had this thought, somewhat sarcastically, but it continued to repeat itself in her mind until she couldn't form another coherent thought. A metaphorical light bulb appeared above her head and her eyes widen with a realization, "I should just kill the fucking clown! That's it! Then, everyone would see me as a hero! They wouldn't have a choice! All of Gotham would worship me as their savior... haha, even Batman would have to thank me!"

_Elsewhere, in Gotham City..._

"Hurry the fuck up! We don't have a lot of time!" The head crook instructed his crew as they attempted to break the lock keeping them out of the jewelry store.

"You're right. You don't have a lot of time," suddenly, a menacing and imposing voice from above the rooftops spoke to them. Immediately, they all began to freak out and draw their weapons.

"Is that Batman?" Asked one of them, filled with dread.

"Ha! You wish I was Batman," the Red Hood then stepped forward into the moonlight and cocked a gun of his own, "Wow, only 5 of you? I was hoping for a challenge!"

"What are you idiots waiting for? Shoot him!"

"Yeah, come on! Shoot me," Jason smirked underneath his helmet as the crooks began firing their weapons. God, they were all such terrible shots. They've probably never killed anyone in their entire lives. Jason jumped off of the rooftop and flipped gracefully onto the ground behind them as they continued to struggle. He made his first move by elbowing the safe-cracker in the face, hearing him hit the wall with a _thud_ as he slid to the ground, already unconscious.

He then dodged a flurry of bullets shot at him, ricocheting off the wall, one of them even going into one of the crooks' arms.

"Ow!"

"That looked like it hurt. Here, let me help you out with that," Red Hood joked as he lunged himself forward, punching the crook square in the face, knocking him to the ground. He was then able to mind his surroundings, hearing one of them running up behind him to throw a punch. He swiftly ducked underneath and elbowed them in the stomach, grabbing their arms and flipping them over onto the ground, stomping on their face to take them out.

The gang leader then fired a shot at him, which Jason countered by firing another bullet into, the force of which knocked him back into their car. The fifth and final gang member saw all of this go down and decided to make his move; to run.

"Uh uh, you're not gettin' away that easy!" Jason then shot him directly in the back, just in time for the leader to recover and tackle him into the wall.

"You son of a bitch!" He screamed as he punched him right in the Red Hood. The titanium lining of the helmet instantly shattered every bone in his fist, opening up for Jason to tackle him onto the ground. He began punching him in the face, losing himself in the violence. Every thrust of his arm, every contact between his fist and the man's face, helping to drown out the sorrow's of Jason's reality... of everything that haunted him every night.

But when Jason hesitated, and the gang leader looked back at him, all he saw was the Joker staring directly into his soul.

"Ha ha ha! Yes! Pour it on, little Robin! Because no matter how much you hit me, you'll never be able to escape the scars I gave you! So why not give me a few, huh? Will that make you feel better?"

"Nothing will make me feel better!" Jason then continued punching and punching until he felt another presence in the alleyway.

"Jason, stop!"

With the sound of Batman's voice, Jason was snapped out of his fury, faced with this man's broken, battered, and bloody face. His fist shook, aching for another hit, but he instead dropped the man and stood up, shaking.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to help you, son-"

"You don't get to call me that!" Red Hood turned on him, pointing angrily, "You gave up that right the moment you decided to let the Joker live!"

"Jason, we've talked about this-"

"I know. You think your misguided moral code is so fragile that if you succumb to killing even just once, you'll never be able to stop. So you keep on clinging to that code, and see where it gets you when everyone you love is dead."

"Please, Jason... we can't let him control our lives. The day I lost you was one of the worst I've ever endured... but you're back now. Can't we take this second chance we've been given and make something out of it? Something other than vengeance?" Batman pleaded with his adopted son, knowing that no amount of words would ever get through to him.

"Vengeance is the only reason I'm alive. I'm sick of the excuses, Bruce. You didn't kill the Joker because it was too important for the Batman to have an arch-nemesis. Killing him wouldn't have made you a monster, Bruce. When will you accept that?"

"Look what it's done to you."

Jason scoffed and turned away.

"It would've made you my hero."

With that, Batman was left alone in the alley. The Red Hood was riding atop the train, taking in the cold city air, contemplating.

"He's never going to do it. I've waited this long for him to prove to me that I'm more important to him than that fucking clown... but now it's clear to me what I have to do. For his sake, for mine, and for everyone else in Gotham... I have to kill the Joker."


	2. Resolutions

The somewhat extreme eco rights activist, Poison Ivy, was sat calmly in her secret cabin in the Gotham swamp, reading a book. If someone were to point out to her that books were made from trees, well, they probably wouldn't be around to tell the story. Just as Ivy licks her finger to turn the page, the front door is slammed open and then equally as fast slammed shut. The assailant then lets out a large huff as she lays her back onto the door and sprawls out her legs on the floor in annoyance.

Ivy didn't even need to look up to know that it was the one human she actually cared about; the one and only Harley Quinn.

"What's wrong, dear?" Ivy asked sarcastically, but genuinely.

Harley then trudged her way over to the couch and plopped her head into Ivy's lap, defeated.

"They kicked me out of the support group again."

"Oh, sweetie, that's the third one this month. You know you can always talk to me, right?" Ivy pulled up Harley's head and cupped her face in her hands, looking into her deep blue eyes with nothing but love and adoration. Harley couldn't help but smile.

"I know, red. But the thing is, after I got kicked out this time, I had the best idea ever!"

Ivy titled her head curiously.

"Oh yeah? What would that be?"

"I'm gonna kill the Joker!" Harley exclaimed enthusiastically, pumping her fists into the air. Ivy smirked.

"Harley, you know I've waited my entire life to hear you say that, but-"

"Ugh, I know _but_! The more I thought about it on the way home the more I realized how impossible it was. Every time I get near that ass clown he just burrows his way right back into my head like a cheap-suited freakin' parasite!" Harley's tone went from sad and desperate to enraged and passionate in a manner of seconds. Ivy quickly placed her hands on either of Harley's arms to calm her down.

"Harley, if you're serious about this then of course I am in. But we can't just go about this without a plan."

"You're absolutely right!" Harley points her finger directly into Ivy's face excitedly, "If we're gonna do this, we need to so it right! We need to put together a team!"

_Elsewhere, in Gotham City..._

"You're thinking about killing the Joker?!" exclaimed an exasperated Roy Harper.

"I'm not thinking about it, I'm doing it. Keep your voice down," commanded a determined Jason Todd as he loaded his pistol, trying not to draw attention from the other patrons of the bar, "I've studied his habits before, I know exactly where he'll be and when."

"You really think you can predict somebody like the Joker? Jason, you're good, but-"

"But nothing. That clown has been a burden on humanity since the day he fell into the vat of chemicals. I'm providing a civic service by ending him," and with that, Jason marched out of the bar.

Roy rolls his eyes and groans, pulling out his phone.

Jason makes his way onto the street, concealing his pistol in the back of his pants, studying each of the cars carrying conspicuous targets that frequent the South Side of Gotham City. The bar Jason had resided in rested only a block away from the infamous Iceberg Lounge, which was secretly owned by the mob boss the Penguin.

Just before he took a step off the curb, he was suddenly grabbed from behind and yanked into the ally.

The vigilante Nightwing slammed Jason into the wall, covering his mouth to prevent him from screaming. After Jason quit struggling and noticed it was his adoptive brother, he simply rolled his eyes and bit Dick's hand.

"Ow, you dick," Nightwing lurched his arm away and shook his hand, releasing Jason, who chuckled.

"Roy called you?"

"And Batman told me about the other night. You think I don't know the Joker frequents the Iceberg Lounge every other weekend? He hangs out here just to piss off Penguin."

"Imagine how mad he's gonna be when he has to clean the Joker's brains off his wall," he smirked and pulled out his pistol, prepared to presume his mission. But Nightwing grabbed his wrist.

"Jason don't do this. We don't decide who lives and who dies."

"So who does? Joker? No. Dick, I've made up my mind. I'm doing this for everyone he's ever hurt."

Nightwing sighs.

"If I can't change your mind, I can at least stop you from doing it tonight."

Jason cocks his eyebrow, feeling challenged.

"You gonna fight me, Grayson?"

"No need. The Joker's not in the Iceberg Lounge."

Jason then becomes confused. But this confusion only lasts for a scarce number of seconds, as one of the Joker's clown cars goes racing by the alley, followed directly by the Batmobile. Jason grimaces at Nightwing as he summons his motorcycle to join in the chase.

"Dammit!"

The Red Hood angrily throws his pistol into the street and runs his hands through his hair, stressed out. He shakes his head, trying to ration with his failed plan.

"I can't rely on any of them. If I'm gonna do this I have to it right. I have to do it alone."


	3. So You Think You Can Be In The Crew?

"A crowbar. Yeah. Can you believe that? Then he just left me there to wait to get my ass blown to smithereens. Now, I'm not saying I expected him to rip the son of a bitch's head off or anything, but is it too much to ask that he at least kills him to avenge his son? Like... is that too much to ask for? Am I the asshole?" Jason Todd wonders allowed, gesturing his pistol in the air to accentuate his point before glancing over to his stone-encased gargoyle companion for his opinion, only to be met with silence, "Ah, what do you know? I've got a stakeout to get back to."

The Red Hood then amplifies the binoculars embedded in his helmet, focusing in on a little club across the street called "O'Malley's Bar", just as another suspicious looking car pulls up, releasing an assailant drenched in a dark trench coat and over the top black hat.

"Oh, who now? Killer Moth, Kite-Man, Ventriloquist, Anarky, how many low lives are here for this god damn meeting?"

_Meanwhile, inside O'Malley's..._

"Aw, c'mon Harls! We go way back! Don't do this! I need the money!"

Harley Quinn rolls her eyes at the former Australian mercenary she did time with on the Suicide Squad. She snaps her fingers and summons her bodyguard.

"We've been over this, Boomer. I'm just not that into you. Croccy!"

With that, Killer Croc lumbers his way out from the shadows towards Captain Boomerang, who backs away sheepishly.

"Croc, old boy, for old time's sake? C'mon!" he begged as Croc snarled, grabbing him by the oversized coat, walking him towards the door.

"Just be glad I'm not eating you," and with that, Captain Boomerang, was tossed on his arse out into the streets of Gotham. Red Hood rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, and don't come back like one of your stupid fuckin' boomerangs!" screamed Harley, tossing popcorn playfully at the door as she rests her feet up on the table, chuckling lightly. Poison Ivy, who is sat right next to her, can't help but smile as she rolls her eyes.

Kiler Croc claps the dust off of his hands as he makes his way back to his booth in the corner, snapping and pointing to the wall, threatening all the potential candidates for Harley Quinn's new car, "Back on the wall! This isn't over yet!"

They all sheepishly obey his orders, making room for the mysterious new party in the trench coat.

"Thanks, Croccy," says Harley, high-fiving him on his way back.

"Sure thing, boss."

Harley then turns her attention to the person standing in the center of the bar, nudging Ivy, taking her attention off of her phone.

"So, who do we have here?"

As they began to remove their hat and fling it to the side, she opens her trench coat dramatically to reveal herself.

"You can call me Livewire. I just moved here from Metropolis. I thought, what better way to establish myself here than by joining the illustrious Harley Quinn?" she shrugged and placed her hands on her hips as Harley leaned forward on the table, a big smile on her face.

"_Swoon._"

"Did you just say the word 'swoon'?" asked a slightly jealous Poison Ivy.

"Show us what you can do, Miss Livewire!" demanded an enthusiastic Harley.

Livewire smirked before tossing a bolt of electricity directly into the crowd of candidates. They all just barely manages to jump out of the way in time.

"You singed Mr. Scarface!"

"Oh shut up, Ventriloquist! Livewire, you're in! You can come stand over here with us," Harley decided, welcoming Livewire to the team as they high-fived.

"So why is this contest being held in such a shitty bar? I was expecting something a little more eloquent..." pondered Livewire, resulting in a huff and an arm cross from Harley.

"Look, I tried to book the Iceberg Lounge, but Pengy is so far up Mistah J- I mean the Joker's ass that I wouldn't be able to see him if it were that fat, round ass! God, dam-"

"Harley," the sudden placement of Ivy's hand into her hand seemed to calm her down.

"You're right, Ives. Besides, I've got an in with the owner of this place. Ain't that right, Seanny-boy?" she asked, directing everyone's attention to the owner, Sean O'Malley, who was tied to a chair with his mouth duct taped shut behind the bar.

"Mmhmmmhmm! Mmmhm!"

"Yeah, we go way back," chuckled Harley, before snapping everyone's attention back to the matter at hand, "Everybody line up! It's time to announce the cast list!"

With that, the auditioners, consisting of the aforementioned Ventriloquist, Anarky, Killer Moth, and Kite-Man, as well as Ragdoll, Firefly, Ratcatcher, the Trickster, and his bodyguard/best friend, Bizarro Superman. Harley Quinn approaches them military style and begins to march back and forth across the line.

"Now, you gentlemen keep in mind that each and every one of you put on a very impressive display tonight. But I'm afraid not all of you can make the cut," as she strode back over to the table, she leans down to whisper quickly with Ivy, "Where did we land on Kite-Man?"

Ivy performs a cutthroat gesture. Harley nods and quickly spins around, firing out five bullets, knocking down the bodies of the Ventriloquist, Ragdoll, Ratcatcher, Anarky, and of course, Kite-Man. The survivors then take a look around and let it sink in that they made the cut.

"Oh my god... you didn't kill me! I made it! I'm on the team!" exclaimed an overly-excited Killer Moth, thrusting both arms into the air out of celebration.

Harley couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah, sorry, no, I just wanted to see your reaction!" she nearly doubled over with laughter as she emptied the rest of her chamber into Killer Moth's chest.

"Fatality!" exclaimed Scarface, who sat laid down with the pile of corpses. Harley once more snapped her finger to summon Croc.

"Croccy, take Scarface. He's creepy but I find him entertaining. The rest of you are now official members of Team Harley Quinn!"

"Thank you so much for choosing me, Harley! You won't regret it!" promised the enthusiastically young Trickster.

"Are you kidding me? I love your style! The Rogues don't know what they're missing. Plus, I wouldn't want to risk your simple buddy there ripping my spine out through my chest," she joked, gesturing towards Bizarro, who smiled bigly as the Trickster stifled a laugh.

"Yeah, I've had him do that before..."

"Alright crew, let's get out of here! Sean needs to close up and we've got a job to do," she commanded, rounding up her crew, wrapping her her arm around Poison Ivy as Livewire, Firefly, Trickster, Bizarro, and Killer Croc, still carrying Scarface, fell in behind her, walking out of the bar like a gang of bosses, leaving poor old Sean O'Malley inside, alone, still tied up.

_Meanwhile, on the rooftop across the street..._

Jason finishes assembling his arsenal and prepares to jump down.

"Alright, I've seen enough. I'm going in," he then takes a second to hype himself up before leaping off of the building, performing a superhero landing directly across from Harley. He proceeds to stand up slowly and dramatically, aiming his gun at her, "You're done, Quinn..."

His eyes then wandered to her companions, scanning them one by one, taking in his odds of victory.

"Oh, fuck me."


	4. The Plan

"God, this is bullshit," Jason muttered aloud as Poison Ivy's vines continued tightening themselves around him.

"The more you complain, the tighter they get," threatened Ivy, which only made Jason want to complain more. But he figured it would be better to keep his mouth shut.

"Ivy then turned her back to him and rejoined the team meeting that was taking place in her swamp house. She wasn't thrilled to have guests, but she figured it was worth it to finally help Harley our that godforsaken clown in the dirt. While Livewire, Firefly, Scarface, and Trickster sat around the table listening intently, Killer Croc and Bizarro sat in the corner arm-wrestling.

"Okay! Here's the plan," explained Harley, as she rolled out a large blueprint on the table, her team members listening intently, "first we want to, um... we should blow up the Joker's main hideout! Yeah, that's a good start, and then we should, um-"

"I'm gonna stop you right there, Harley," interrupted Livewire, "you don't have a plan, do you?"

Harley feigned a baffled look.

"Well I-"

"Yes, she does have a plan," interjected Ivy, who placed her hand on her lover's mouth in order to save her further embarrassment, "and here's how it's gonna go down; the Joker is always on the market for new goons. Trickster, that's where you come in. We'll have you approach him, make up some bullshit about how he's your idol and you want to study under the master. Appealing to his ego is the best way to get him off his guard. Plus, when he sees Bizarro, he won't be able to say no."

Trickster raised his hand and Ivy sighed.

"Yes, Trickster?"

"Yeah, I, um... I used to write fan mail to the Joker, and, well, he wrote me back and told me that if he ever saw me he'd cut my face off..."

"Bizarro will put friend face back on," Bizarro said comfortingly, placing a hand on the Trickster's shoulder and widening his mouth into an awkward smile.

"Jesus fucking Christ..." Ivy muttered to herself, "He's not gonna cut your fucking face off when you have a god damn zombie Superman by your side."

Trickster led these words settle in as he nodded.

"Right... right, right, right. Okay, what next?"

"Once you've been in his crew feeding us information, we'll wait until he's planning his next big heist so that we can catch him when he's least expecting it. Now, we can't underestimate him, we know he'll have some tricks up his sleeves, which is where Livewire will come in. You can withstand any joybuzzer-related attacks and short-circuit any other tech he might have, which will open up for Harley to take the killing blow," she said, turning to Harley and smiling.

Harley was taking this all in, and leaned in to Ivy, whispering, "Wow, you've really given this a lot of thought, huh?"

"What, you haven't?"

Harley shrugged gingerly. Ivy couldn't help but chuckle and shake her head before turning her attention back to the crew.

"What do I do?" asked Firefly.

"You're gonna help me blow up Joker's hideout!" exclaimed Harley, ignoring Ivy's earlier declaration.

"Hell yeah!"

"Alright whatever, we can do that too, but we can't get ahead of ourselves!" yelled Ivy, as Harley crossed her arms and sighed, reluctantly agreeing, "Alright, Trickster, Bizarro, get a move on. Let's get this fucking clown."

Then, from the back of the room, Jason cleared his throat, gaining their attention.

"Yeah, sorry, I have a question. You guys are planning to kill the Joker? Like, kill him dead? Yeah?"

Harley and Ivy exchanged a look and shrugged.

"Pretty much, yeah," answered Harley.

Jason laughed sardonically.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but... I want in."

Now it was Harley and Ivy's turn to laugh.

"Bro, you tried to kill us! Why would we let you join the team?" Ivy asked.

"Gee, maybe because I know what the Joker's next big heist is?"

This took them off guard.

"Your honor, I request a sidebar," Harley said to Ivy, turning her around and whispering to her, "I think we could use him. I like his style."

Ivy rolled her eyes.

"This is your mission, Harls. But the second he pulls a gun on you again, I'm ending him."

"That's why I love you, mwah," Harley said, kissing Ivy on the cheek, before turning back to Jason, "Okay Mr. Red Hood Man, you're on the crew. Your first mission is to go for a coffee run. We've got a lot more planning to do."

"No way in hell am I-" Jason began to protest, only for Killer Croc to start growling at him, putting his jagged teeth on display. All the color drained from Jason's face as he laughed nervously, "Black or cream?"


	5. Infiltration and Information

"I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this..." repeated an overly-nervous Trickster to no one in particular as he and Bizarro stood outside the Joker's hideout.

"Friend leave?" inquired Bizarro.

"No! We can't leave! If we let Harley down, there's no way she'll ever go out with me!"

"Am Harley not-"

"No, you're absolutely right. We have to do this," Trickster convinced himself, cutting off Bizarro by kicking the doors open excitedly, "Hey, hey, hey! It's me! The baddest Rogue from Central City, here to join the Joker's crew and kick Batman to the curb- hey, where's the Joker?"

His boasting was cut off when he realized the only people present were a handful of the Joker's goons. They each shared confused looks before open firing their tommy guns on the Trickster. It was pointless, however, as Bizarro stood in front of him, letting the bullets bounce off. Once they had run out of ammo, Trickster poked his head out from behind Bizarro's shoulder before swaggering out in front of him, dripping with false bravado.

"Well! Now that I have the floor, I demand to speak with the Joker!"

The lankiest and most white-skinned of the henchmen then began laughing maniacally as he pulled a pistol out from his underwear and subsequently shot the other henchmen, taking his mask off to reveal the Joker.

"Omigod it's the Joker!" Trickster gasped to himself as the Joker began stalking towards him, looking him up and down.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the second-rate child who's kidding himself into believing he could _ever_ be as funny as me," he exclaimed, his voice dripping with a mocking and condescending tone.

"Oh my god, the Joker knows who I am!"

"Of course I know who you are! You stole my bit!" the Joker yelled, clearly offended, as he lunged closer, resting a switchblade underneath the Trickster's chin, as blood began dripping out, "I seem to recall saying that if I ever saw you, I'd cut your face off."

His threats were interrupted by Bizarro placing a hand on his shoulder and standing tall above him.

"No hurt friend."

"My, my, you're a big fellow aren't you? Quite a grip. Shake?" the Joker extended his hand, clearly outfitted with a joybuzzer. Bizarro then obliviously reaches out to shake his head, despite the Trickster's pleas for him not to. However, the shock, of course, had no affect on him, resulting in a frown from the Joker.

"Bulletproof _and_ shockproof. I see that backwards "S" really isn't just for show. I'll tell you what! Come with me, friend," the Joker said as he wrapped his arm around Bizarro's shoulder, leading him further into the hideout.

"Friend," Bizarro concurred, apparently forgetting about the Trickster.

"Oh, my not-so-anonymous benefactor is going to _love _you."

"Bizarro not understand big words."

"Oh, don't worry, he knows enough big words for the both of us," Joker responded, chuckling to himself.

"Hey! What about me?" yelled Trickster.

"Oh, you're still here? I guess you can come with."

Trickster then lightly pumped his fist in the air in celebration.

"Yus!" he whispered to himself.

_Meanwhile, elsewhere in Gotham City..._

"Hit me again, mate," Captain Boomerang asked as he sat at the bar in one of Gotham's most run-down criminal hideouts, which was often raided by various vigilantes to get information.

"What's gotcha down, Boomer?" asked the bartender.

"Ugh, don't even get him started," begged another patron, Killer Frost, as she conjured an ice cube for her drink, "I can barely stand his accent, let alone his incessant whining."

"Why do you always gotta be so cold to me, Frosty?" he asked, slurring his words together.

"Hey! Only I make the ice puns around here!" she threatened.

Captain Cold then cleared his throat angrily from the booth where he and Heatwave sat, attempting to distance themselves from Captain Boomerang.

"Oh, bite me, Snart," she responded venomously.

"Y'know, after Waller died and the Suicide Squad broke up, I really thought that Harley would give me another chance with her new crew," he complained, slurping down his drink.

"Wait, did you say Harley's putting together a new crew?" inquired Frost, suddenly interested in what Boomer had to say.

"Yeah, to kill the Joker or some shite like that. But she had Croc throw me out on my arse! So much for honor among thieves..." he continued to complain, "Not like it matters anyway. You already missed the audition process."

"Yeah, I wasn't listening to you, anyway Harley already texted me back," she said, displaying the response from Harley that read _'O.M.G. Frosty! You're in, bitch! Get over here and let's make some Mai Tais!'_

"Aw, come on! You gotta let me come with you!"

"Bye, Boomer," she mocked, already on her way out.

Defeated, he turned his attention towards his old teammates, only to discover they had already left as well.

"Hit me again, mate."

_Meanwhile, back at Harley and Ivy's hideout..._

"Oh my god, Ives! You'll never guess who just texted me!" she said excitedly as she hurried over to Ivy, who was tending to her garden. She showed her the text from Killer Frost, only for Ivy to groan.

"Really? Killer Frost? I fucking hate her, every time she comes over, all of my plants die."

"Killer Frost? Killer Frost is coming here?" asked a perked up Firefly, "Cause, you know, I used to have a major crush on her."

"Yeah, we all did, Firefly. But keep it professional! This is a business relationship," ordered Harley, just as Red Hood returned, holding a mysterious looking briefcase.

"Yeah, I wouldn't even go that far. This is all a means to an end, Harley," he insisted placing the case on the table.

"What's in the case, biker man?" demanded Scarface, who sat atop a sleeping Killer Croc's lap in the corner. Jason cringed.

"God that doll creeps me out."

"Who you callin' a doll, freak?"

"Listen, you little wooden midget, I will shoot you if you don't drop the attitude!" he threatened, getting up in Scarface's, well, face. Harley then interjected herself between them.

"Hey! I won't tolerate infighting on my team. At least, not in Ivy's house."

"Thank you," muttered a disinterested Ivy, who continued watering her plants.

All the commotion caused a slight disturbance in Killer Croc's sleep, who repositioned himself, causing Scarface to fall to the floor, which got a chuckle out of Jason.

"Listen, Rob, can I call you Rob?" began Harley.

"Uh, no?"

"Anyway, Rob, I like your initiative, but this was all my plan, and my team. You follow my orders, got it?" she said, puffing out her chest and she attempted to sound authoritative.

"Like hell. You have no idea what you're doing, Quinn. I'm the only one here with an actual plan," he said as he opened the case, revealing a canister of Joker Venom that was branded with the LexCorp logo.

"Whoa... is that a new recipe?"

"Yeah. While you and your 'team' were here sitting on your asses, I was breaking into the secret LexCorp facility that's been set up here in Gotham to steal this bad boy. See, the Joker's teamed up with humpty dumpty himself to develop a new Joker Venom that they can use to hold the entire city hostage, threatening to gas one suburb at a time if their demands aren't met. So I figured Ivy here could whip up an anti-toxin to give us a trump card in case we need it."

"Listen here, saving people isn't part of the plan! Killin' the Joker is!" retorted Scarface.

"Well it's part of my plan, and you assholes can't pull this off without me. So either we do what we can to minimize casualties, or I walk," he threatened.

"Ah, there's the Robin I know and hate," mused Harley.

"Wait," said Firefly, "You used to a Robin?"

"Yeah, I was the one who would always call you Killer Moth just cause it pissed you off."

"That was you?!" he was immediately filled with anger, as a snickering Harley had to hold him back.

"Anyway, the anti-toxin is only part of the plan. Joker's ego is not his biggest weakness. But something tells me you already know what that is."

Harley's eyes widened.

"Batman."

"Exactly. If this plan is gonna work, we're gonna need leverage. We need to kidnap the Batman."


	6. The Rat Who Knew Too Little

"Mr. Luthor! You have an incoming transmission from your partner in Gotham City," informed Lex Luthor's assistant, Troy, as he came running into Luthor's office, to find him performing yoga.

Luthor quickly regained his posture and glared at Troy, who gulped nervously.

"Uh, sorry, sir. I'll... knock next time."

"Thank you, Troy. You may leave," he insisted, his voice ripe with disdain. He then quickly threw on a sportcoat and tie to maintain the look of professionalism that the Joker didn't care about before activating the transmission.

"Lexi!" Luthor rolled his eyes at the Joker's immature nickname, "How are you, darling?"

"What is it, Joker? I have a busy workload today. You wouldn't believe the paperwork I deal with every time Metallo gets constipated. The equipment it takes just to open his asshole, it's immaculate..." Luthor complained, rubbing his temples.

"As much as I love hearing about your robot's bowel movements, I have some important news for you."

"Mr. Joker, the vending machine was all out of coke, so I got you a pepsi," informed the Trickster as he entered the video transmission, only for Joker to knock it out of his hand angrily.

"Do I look like I want a god damn pepsi? Go find me a coke!"

"Who is that? Is everything on schedule?"

Joker returned his attention to Luthor, wiping the dust off of his suit.

"Oh, that's just my new sidekick. But yes, we're set to launch in 3 days... but that isn't what this is about. I have a present for you!"

"Whatever it is, I don't want it."

"Oh, just wait," Joker said with a devilish grin, "Look behind you."

Luthor then swiveled his chair around to look out the window, only to be met with what appeared to be Superman hovering across from him.

"You ass clown! You've double-crossed me!"

"Lexi! Have some faith in me! Look closer."

Luthor narrowed his eyes so that the glare lessened, revealing Bizarro smiling at him. It was now Luthor's turn to strike a devilish grin.

"Oh, Joker, it's just what I wanted!"

_Meanwhile, in the Batcave..._

Batman sat at his computer, staring intently at the screen, which displayed street footage of Red Hood getting his ass beat by Harley's team.

"Ouch, that's gotta hurt," commented Robin, who was watching from behind him, laughing.

"Tim," scolded Batman, resulting in Robin gulping.

"Sorry, Batman. But, didn't Jason tell you to stay out of his business?"

"Anything that happens in Gotham is my business."

"Right, but, would it really be the worst thing if he got rid of the Joker? I mean, I don't think anyone would really miss him."

"That's not up to us to decide, Tim. I want you to to spend the next few days with the Titans... I have a feeling things are about to get messy."

Robin sighed.

"Yes, sir," he began walking out of the cave, his head hanging.

Batman narrowed his glare at the computer as it briefly short-circuited, which the Bat-Computer does not do.

"Livewire," he muttered.

_Meanwhile, back at Harley and Ivy's base..._

Harley and Killer Frost sipped Mai Tais as they lounged by the swamp which Killer Croc was swimming in. Red Hood watched from the window, shaking his head out of disdain.

"Should I go talk to her?" asked Firefly, clearly nervous over Killer Frost's presence.

"I don't give a shit what you do, Killer Moth. I have more important things to worry about," Red Hood retorted, ignoring Firefly's muttering as he walked off. He then found his way into Ivy's lab, where she was working on synthesizing the anti-toxin.

"How's it coming, Ivy?"

"It would go faster if you would stop asking me that every 5 minutes," she responded, irritated.

"Right. Sorry," he said, about to turn away, only for Livewire to materialize from an electrical socket, "Finally. What's the update?"

"Trickster's in with the Joker. He and Luthor are launching their plan in 3 days."

"There's more."

Livewire sighed.

"Batman's onto us."

Red Hood groaned.

"Of fucking course he is. Ivy, you stay here and keep working on the anti-toxin. Livewire, it's time for a city wide blackout."

Livewire chuckled, "That'll keep those Bat-Brats busy. Wait, is that offensive?"

"No, you're right. They are brats. They won't be able to help themselves. So while you keep them busy, Harley and I will make our move on Batman. Get going."

"Aye aye, Captain," Livewire saluted sarcastically, transporting herself once more through the electrical socket.

Jason then ran outside, fastening his helmet on, yelling at Harley, Frost, and Croc.

"It's go time, people! We only got one shot at this, so let's make it count."

Harley then jumped up in excitement.

"Let's go bat hunting!"

Croc and Frost both grinned menacingly at each other, ready for the ensuing carnage to begin. Firefly slumped his shoulders, upset that he hadn't gotten Frost to smile at him like that.

_Meanwhile, in a random Gotham City alleyway..._

A drunken Captain Boomerang staggered his way through the alley, stumbling over himself as he tried to break his fall on a trash can. It did not work.

"Ha! Now that was funny," said the Joker, who made his sudden appearance with the Trickster in tow. Boomerang quickly pulled himself up and brandished a boomerang.

"Ah, you wankers would end up workin' together," he slurred.

"Who are you calling a wanker? I'm not the only one who got kicked out of the Rogues!" retorted Trickster, causing Boomerang to lower his arm, sniffling.

"That was a low blow, mate. I'm still sensitive about that."

"Fuck the Rogues! They didn't know what they had with you, Boomer!" said the Joker, buttering him up before going in for the kill, "I heard through the grapevine that you have some information about my psycho ex-girlfriend. I'd be happy to compensate you for your trouble," he mocked as he pulled out an Australian $5 bill.

Boomerang reached for it desperately, only for Joker to yank it away from him, wagging his finger mockingly.

"Uh uh uh, information first," he threatened, pulling out a pistol and aiming it at him. Boomerang gulped.

"Yeah, well, uh, Harley, you see, she's puttin' together a team."

"What for?"

"The fuck do you think for, mate? To kill you! Now gimme me money!" Boomerang reached for it again, but for naught as the Joker yanked it away once more before chuckling to himself.

"Oh, Harley. So ambitious. I can't wait to see how this plays out," he said before pulling the trigger, causing Boomerang to wince, only to discover the gun had released a flag reading "BANG!"

Boomerang let out a sigh.

"My partner and I can offer you a lot more. How would you like a job?"

"That piece of shite?" he asked, referring to the Trickster, "He don't have a cent to his name!"

"Oh, he's not my partner. Ever heard of Lex Luthor?"

Boomerang's eyes widened, his pupils essentially being replaced with dollar signs.

"I'm in! But I'm not workin' with him!"

"Oh, I don't intend to either. My business has no room for snitches," he then turned his attention back to the Trickster, a look of pure hatred washing across his face as he pulled the trigger once more.

"Wait, no! I wouldn't-" the flag was then ejected from the gun, impaling the Trickster right in his heart. He reached out, gasping for air before falling to his knees, collapsing dead.

"Damn. I know about six Rogues who are gonna be mad they didn't get the chance to do that."

"Like I give a shit. Come on, we've got more recruiting to do. Harley thinks she's the only one who can put together a team? She has no idea what she's in for."


End file.
